Glastonbury Festival: the ultimate celebration of loving the earth, flaunting your green credentials, and diving headfirst into counter-culture. At least, that's what it's supposed to be. But clearly, some folks missed the memo. If the mere thought of swigging warm cider from a can in a £70 Mountain Warehouse tent makes you clutch your pearls, here are the most ostentatious places to stay for those who'd rather die than actually camp.

The Pop-up Hotel

First up, The Pop-up Hotel. This establishment offers 5-star service that screams, "I'm better than you." Arriving by helicopter? Of course you are. This place has its own helipad, naturally. Once you've touched down, a golf buggy whisks you away, rosé in hand, to a spacious bell tent outfitted with cotton duvet covers and Shangri-La mattresses.

Prices start at £2,999 for standard 'room' and go all the way up to £27,999 for a Tipi Tenthouse Suite. And - bad news - the Tipi Tenthouse Suite is all booked up for this year.

Because roughing it is for peasants.

The Pop-up Hotel flaunts a hot tub and pool (because why not?), a wellness space with reiki healers and massage therapists, and even a styling station. And the bar? Perpetually packed with celebrities. This is the place to be if you think mingling with the common folk is beneath you.

Pennard Orchard

Next, we have Pennard Orchard, it's been the stomping ground for socialites like Princess Olympia and Cara Delevingne, who you might find wielding GHDs in the powder room.

Pennard Orchard has it all: IV drips, a Revival Room for your post-boots fatigue, and white Egyptian cotton bedding. Because how could anyone possibly endure Glastonbury without these essential luxuries?

Prices start at £3,950 for a lotus bell tent, and go up to £6,150 for a yurt.

Winding Lake

Then there's Winding Lake, where Winnebagos are hot property.

A mobile home is now the ultimate status symbol. Imagine waking up to the sound of birds and enjoying avocado toast on the lawn. You'll feel as though you're worlds away from Glastonbury Festival. But why would you want to? You can be worlds away from Glastonbury Festival the other 360 days of the year.

The site is so in demand that prices are available on asking, and they're currently operating a waitlist.

Camp Kerala

Possibly the most absurdly glamorous spot at Glastonbury is Camp Kerala. This sprawling site is decked out with Shikar tents – blue and star-lined marvels – that are the epitome of luxury.

Think sheepskin rugs, duck down duvets, and 24-hour 'tent service'. It's perfect for those who'd rather perish than endure the squalor of a regular festival campsite.

The cost for two people to stay at Camp Kerala starts at £8,225 for five nights.

Yurtel

And let's not forget Yurtel. Imagine: dirty martinis in the hot tub, a blow-dry in the salon, and a glass of Dom Perignon at the champagne bar. Just another day at Yurtel's glamping site.

For added luxury, check out The Bedouin Tent, complete with ornate drapings, thick Persian carpets, and memory foam mattresses.

Prices start at £2,000 for a Bell Tent and go to £3,250 for a luxury yurt.

What's not to love? Quite a lot, actually, if you remember that Glastonbury is supposed to be about something other than obscene luxury. But if flaunting your wealth is more your style than flaunting your eco-friendly credentials, these are the places for you. Because why should anyone suffer the indignity of actual camping?